THEY SHOOT HORSES DON'T THEY?

I whizzed up to Antwerp on the train Friday evening to meet the esteemed Mr and Mrs Cream who were over for a wedding. What a delightful evening we had. Cream said he was hungry enough to eat a horse, so I took them to a restaurant called De Perdestaal where horse is the speciality of the house. Funnily enough, when it came to ordering, everybody suddenly decided they wanted fish, pork or something else. The food was delicious, but I must refrain from describing it in detail or else I will breach the terms of my exclusivity contract with UpFront magazine.

I hadn't been to Antwerp at all this year and was reminded, when I got there, of what a wonderful city it is and why it is Belgium's New York to Brussels' D.C., Sydney versus Canberra, Rio to Brussels' Brasilia, Lagos as opposed to Abuja. Brussels has civil servants, Eurocrats, grey suits, sandwich bars, whereas Antwerp has designer shops, nightclubs, enough restaurants to eat out every night of the year and never come back to the same place twice, broad boulevards, imposing architecture, lovely parks, a sense of grandeur, and ... a river! The Schelde is broad and majestic as befits one of Europe's biggest ports, and there is a maritime theme throughout the city, right down to the legend of Ant, the chap who saved the local citizens by cutting of the hand of the ogre Twerp and throwing it into the Schelde. Oh and there are the diamonds too.


One of the major sticking points in the current political impasse is, in the event of a separation of Flanders and Wallonia, who gets Brussels. Who in heaven's name would want it if you've got Antwerp? Perhaps they're arguing about who doesn't get Brussels.


Antwerp railway station, possibly the most beautiful example of grandiose 19th-century Leopoldian architecture, is being "modernized". The original marble concourse is undergoing renovation work, and I pray that when it is finished it looks nothing like what has been thrown up behind it in the working part of the station, which is appalling. Ultra modern, escalators, computer screens, shopping mall, ugly modern concrete blocks ... I thought I'd arrived at a different station. I came in on a platform about 100 feet below sea level, three escalators towering up in front of me and almost completely blocking the rear view of the main station. It now looks like London's Waterloo station. Well done Antwerp town council.


Despite the last fast train back to Brussels being slightly less comfortable than a cattle truck, I managed to nod off several times, notably between the Gare du Nord and the Gare du Midi, sailing unconsciously through the Gare Centrale where I had planned to get off. In fact if I'd woken up 30 seconds later I'd have ended up in Charleroi. And that's not where you want to be at one o'clock in the morning.


This morning the STIB (Brussels metro system) decided it would be a good idea to send the cleaners to wash down the steps to the platform with soapy water at 8.30, right in the middle of the rush hour. They also think it's a good idea to renovate all the platforms on all the stations at the same time, so all the passengers receive maximum inconvenience equally. I am in favour of the new big metro trains (sorry tree-huggers, but they make my journey to work much more comfortable) but why, oh why, do they only send them out in off-peak hours, and come the rush hour, we get the rattly old ones? Perhaps they don't want to get the new ones dirty.

Come back London Transport, all is forgiven.