Friday, October 30

STRICTLY DOES IT


If the thought of the Stones settling down on the sofa with a cuppa to watch Ronnie's ex-missus on Strictly wasn't bad enough, we now find Ozzy Eastbourne actually in the audience at the US version "Dancing with the Stars", cheering on his newly demure daughter Kelly.

Much as I applaud him putting aside his public image to offer fatherly support, this is just one more example of the insidious mainstreaming of what was once called alternative culture, which is happening under our very noses. Heavy metal rockers are falling over each other to "appear" on The Simpsons, which, although it is a very clever, amusing and self-deprecating show, goes out on the FOX Channel! That's Rupert Murdoch, people, the military-industrial complex personified!



I've just finished reading "Redemption", the first novel of Tariq Ali, that gorgeous old Trot, written in 1990, in which he cruelly mocks the anti-establishment movement of which he was once the shining light. He has hung up his megaphone for a comfortable house in Highgate (handy for Karl Marx's grave and a box at The Emirates Stadium) and has abandoned the rank and file to the ravages of post-Thatcher Britain. It's an appalling novel, to boot, with the most atrocious jokes (a leftie splinter group called PISPAW? A Sri Lankan called Abitmortoddy? Oh puhleeese ....) and should have been nominated for the Bad Sex Award. To paraphrase Malcolm Bradbury's advice to Arthur Smith: stick to politics, Ali.

And it's not just the old adage of "He who is not a communist at 20 ... " etc. Street Fighting Man has turned into Mondeo Man. The last serious demonstrations in Paris were by complacent students defending the status quo, and I don't mean the band. The once-feared CRS riot police didn't even give them the satisfaction of a good baton charge. Look at the demonstrations in London for the G20: how do you expect the crowd to put up a good fight when they can't even send out a proper riot squad to deal with them? Where were the Molotov cocktails? The cobblestones? Where is the respect, dude? The insurgents of May 1968 would have made mincemeat of that bunch of inexperienced muppets with tasers. Even the army has turned its back on the BNP. What the hell is the world coming to when the army is on the same side as the students? All this is stifling the natural rebellious urges of our young. In the absence of national service, how else are our young people supposed to learn the art of self-defence but in a good old riot?

The counterculture was a victim of its own success. What was once considered "underground" is now on the High Street. My teenage influences are now the daily playlist of Radio 2. We are witnessing a reverse upswing, with popular culture turning back to ballroom dancing, choirs, corny musicals, marriage (gay or straight), stricter parenting, locking up Polanski, a Tory government. We are fighting two wars in the Middle East, but is anyone marching against them? Nah. Can't be arsed.


"Train crash TV" is how they refer to such programmes as "World's Strictest Parents" - you don't want to watch it, but you can't help yourself. Just amazing how, round about the halfway mark on every programme, those evil teenagers crumple, have a good cry and decide to turn pussy. Am I alone in wondering if this is just for the television, or have they just picked kids that are easy to break? In the sixties the kids would see this as a challenge and go on the run, join a cult, hide up trees, mobilize the national guard. Anyone remember Jack Dee escaping from the Celebrity Big Brother house? That's the kind of Dunkirk spirit we want to see. I'm with the kids on this one. Let's have a bit more balance, and let the kids win one episode.

This will in the end provoke a backlash, if you are prepared to wait long enough. I predict in the short term a return to corsets, armbands and castor oil. Eventually things will get so straight laced that it will spark another wave of rebellion. It's just Lenin's theory of revolutionary socialism, stoopid. And round we go again ....






P.S. The calendar will cost about 20 euros a pop here in Belgium. If you know of a cheaper supplier, pls spk. Also, high res photos will be required. Some of those on your blogs and Facebook pages are not good enough. Perhaps there's a way of doing an electronic version? Turn your minds to this if you are of a creative bent. Or just bent in any way.

Friday, October 23

CALENDAR GIRLS AND BOYS

Every time I try to write a witty and entertaining post it ends up going all preachy and political. Perhaps I should start a new, serious blog. What should I call it? "STOP TEXTING WHILE I'M TALKING TO YOU" would be the general gist. Answers on a postcard please ....

As for Mr Griffin's performance on Question Time, I'm not going to dwell on it except to say two things: (1) He was rubbish, thank God, and (2) How stupid do you have to be to admit to being friends with the head of a "non-violent" branch of the Ku Klux Klan when you're sitting next to the feistiest black woman this side of Winnie Mandela? A great foot in mouth moment. It was nearly her foot in his mouth.


Bonnie Greer - beautiful, black and boy has she got balls


Anyway, I've had this idea. About getting a Bloggers' Calendar printed up for Christmas. No, not naked. Savannah has already agreed to be Miss June. Mr Coppens of Canadia will be Mr January. I'll be Miss February, carnival time. I'm waiting for some more replies via Facebook, but here's my first suggestion: this is how they organise conferences in Brussels - put the participants on the programme first then invite them to say no.

I feel inhabited by the spirit of Annie Leibowitz (yes I know she's not dead yet) and I may call in Mr Kim Ayres, society photographer, to help me pose the subjects in scenes from classic movies.


JANUARY
Donn Coppens and Lulu LaBonne in Rose Marie


FEBRUARY
Daphne Wayne-Bough and Crabtree as Eliza Doolittle
and
Professor Higgins in 'My Fair Lady'


MARCH
Dr M and Mrs P as Jack Lemmon and Lee Remick
in 'Days of Wine and Roses'



APRIL
Gorilla Bananas as Yul Brynner in The King and I


MAYGyppo Byard as Al Capone in The St Valentine's Day Massacre
(Wait a minute ... that IS Gyppo Byard!!)



JUNE
Savannah and Jimmy Bastard as Bonnie and Clyde



JULY
Gadjo Dilo and Madame Defarge as Fred and Ginger in Strictly Top Hat


AUGUST
Scarlet and Guyana Gyal as Marilyn Monroe and Jane
Russell in Gentlemen prefer Blondes



SEPTEMBER
Kevin Musgrove as Bill Sykes in "Oliver!"
(with Mutley the Dog as Bullseye)



OCTOBERNo Good Boyo as a sailor on the Potemkin.


NOVEMBERPat and Inkspot as Ilsa and Rick in 'Casablanca'



DECEMBER
Kim Ayres as Kris Kringle in 'Miracle on 34th Street'





Saturday, October 17

GAY GORDONS

OK, maybe that wasn't such a great idea after all, especially when the Beeb is rattling its tin for Children in Need. Empathy fatigue can get to the best of us.

Inkspot was pondering the other week on the reasons for homosexuality. He thought it might have to do with a classical education. Greeks and Romans were notoriously ambidextrous when it came to the bedroom.
They also wore togas. Which begs the question, is it the wearing of skirts in early life that makes a man swing both ways, if you follow me?

Are there more gay men, proportionate to the population, in Scotland than in the rest of Europe? And if so, why? Could it be the prevalence of the kilt as a suitable mode of gentlemen's apparel? Or are there other reasons?


Thursday, October 15

HOW CAN WE SLEEP




Do you know I was preparing a long impassioned piece about climate change and why you should care about the Campaign for Climate Justice and participate in the world's first musical petition before the Climate Conference in Copenhagen in December.

And then cause fatigue set in. So watch the video at the top to start with.

Anyway, I've noticed that the less I write, the more comments I get. So when you've watched the video at the top, put a pair of headphones on and mime along to the one at the bottom. Bob Geldof and Lily Allen are supposed to be in it but I must have blinked a couple of times.

Interesting fact (1): The song 'Beds are Burning' was written, and originally performed, by the Australian band Midnight Oil, whose singer, Peter Garrett, is now Australian Minister for the Environment! How cool is that?

Possibly interesting fact (2): Vincent Perez, dishy Frenchman who appears in this video, used to date Carla Bruni and is now stepdad to Gérard Depardieu's son.

If you want to download the tune and in so doing add your signature to the petition going to Copenhagen asking for a robust agreement to replace the Kyoto Protocol which runs out in 2012, you can do it here.








Friday, October 9

ONE SMALL DROP FOR MANKIND




I shall overcome my excitement over Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize to tell you about the global online event going out tonight, starring all your old eco-favourites - Al Gore, U2, Peter Gabriel, Yann Arthus-Bertrand, the Cirque du Soleil. This is the reason that Guy Laliberté, founder of the Cirque du Soleil, is up in the space station at the moment, not just because he's a very rich clown who can treat himself to a holiday in space. It kicks off at 8pm EDT (New York time - 2 am in London) and is being broadcast online. So if you're still up and about in the middle of the night, fire up your 'pooter and join the party.


NASA crashed its LCROSS mission into the moon's surface this morning in an attempt to find water, which is certainly not coincidental. Why haven't this event and the organisation behind it not been given more publicity? There has been no coverage on British or French TV of the One Drop Foundation or the worldwide online event this evening. We should be told!

Scrumpy, my eco-warrior friend, practises what he preaches. He saves an enormous amount of water by not washing. It's a sacrifice, but somebody's gotta do it. I urge you to conserve water, unlike this inconsiderate woman:



Friday, October 2

THE CURSE OF 'ALLO 'ALLO



Whoops I did it again, in the words of someone or other. Not content with wishing the Princess of Wales into oblivion and seeing my wish fulfilled within a few hours, I've managed to cause Petite Anglaise to cease blogging within a couple of days of being featured on my blog. I had no sooner taken an interest in Wham! than I learned they had split up. I am beginning to think I am a witch. I daren't mention anyone else for fear of prosecution.




On the other hand, I could use my powers to rid the world of noxious influences. You've heard of the Curse of Hello - many people who've sold their souls, I mean wedding pictures, to Hello Magazine have divorced. For a small fee I could feature someone you would like to see disappeared, and strike them down with the Curse of 'Allo. One word from me, and they'll be up the Alma tunnel without a safety belt.

For the moment it only seems to work on blonde females, but I'll practice over the weekend and see if I can expand my range. If I can't get rid of them, I know a man who can.