DIGGING IN

The flags are out in earnest down my street now. 104 days and counting. Most Belgians still don't seem too fussed about the crisis. Apparently it has taken up to SIX MONTHS to form a government in the past. I don't know why they bother. I can see the point for important world powers (no names, no pack drill) who have to go around standing shoulder to shoulder and harrumphing at the UN, etc. But the Americans are hardly going to attack the place where NATO is based (Nice move Belgium!). The boy scouts will take over civil defence if anybody tries to start anything funny. They are trained in sabotage and dirty tricks. A booby-trapped woggle can stop a whole battalion of Marines in their tracks. That leaves foreign trade, and there will always be a demand for first-class chocolates, cherry beer and guns. FN (Fabrique Nationale) is one of the world's more serious arms manufacturers. Sadly, they're Belgian.

In view of the coming siege, it was timely that I discovered COLRUYT. This is a chain of independent supermarkets which practices the pile-em-high sell-em-cheap retail method. However, it is nothing like Aldi, Lidl or any of these poor people's stores. I was a little nervous, checking carefully that no-one spotted me going in (not that they would have recognized me in my Garboesque headscarf and dark glasses), and on my first tour of the cavernous warehouse-type store I was a little underwhelmed, not spotting any sundried tomatoes or rocket salad. However, on my second lap, the scales fell from my eyes, and I realized I was in shoppers heaven. The prices are indeed cheaper than Delhaize or GB (the local Carrefour subsidiary), but what is really impressive is the range of produce, especially in the wines and spirits department. There were about ten different kinds of genever alone, and an obscure brand of dry gin at £4.50 a bottle. I started to mentally tick boxes on my Christmas present list. The trolleys are enormous, and once my arms started shooting out to pluck six-packs of tinned salmon and cassoulet off the shelves, they couldn't stop. The refrigerated section is as big as a small supermarket, and there is a fair selection of "bio", or organic, produce. This shop had everything: fresh fruit and vegetables, a butcher, toys, toiletries, bread, frozen food, plants, even a do-it-yourself photo developing machine where you can plug in your digital camera memory and order your prints on CD. I resisted the temptation to stock up on lager at 50p a pint, but earmarked a number of unusual liqueurs for the Christmas period (if Belgium lasts that long). My shopping caddy was so overloaded that one of the wheels fell off on the way home. This was obviously a Sign from Above, the Lord is instructing me to purchase a super-strength caddy with reinforced tubular frame and Michelin tyres for my next trip to Colruyt. They do very trendy ones nowadays, leopardskin print (very Vi Hornblower), fluo colours, op-art, I think even Marc Jacobs has brought out a range for the discerning granny. That way I can assume various disguises and maintain my cover. I've got some serious stockpiling to do.