MAY TO DECEMBER

I refer you to the excellent Witloof blog which highlights a recent article from the Seattle Times in which Belgium’s federal partnership of Walloons and Flemings is described as a “loveless marriage”.

In the words of the great Mrs T. Turner, what’s love got to do with it? Part of the gripe in Belgium is to do with one partner financing the other. It is quite acceptable practice in married couples for one to look after the kids and the house while the other one goes out to work and puts food on the table. Although it might be said that Belgium’s arrangement is rather like a marriage of Waynetta Slobb and Alan Titchmarsh.

The French comedian Smain once went on record as saying there was nothing wrong with women being more attracted to men with money, since women’s main objective in a relationship was security, and money equals security. Needless to say, this was after he had become very successful and, er, wealthy.

Harold, may he rest in peace, has been gone 18 months now, and I am starting to feel renewed stirrings in my undergarments. I thought it was indigestion at first, but have found myself staring at length at young waiters in restaurants and experience a pleasing frisson when the young man in Media Markt smiles and winks at me. I have even generated some interest in cyberspace from younger male bloggers, although they’re not to know that I don’t actually look anything like Carmen Miranda.

Apparently it is quite fashionable for young men to be seen out with an older lady, especially if the lady in question has the charm of Francesca Annis, or even Miss Tina Turner herself. Love across the years is now known as a May-December romance. In some cases it stretches from May 1949 to December 1978.

A young man can learn a lot from an older woman. Table manners, for one thing. Discretion. Personal hygiene. And it’s always good for older people to be around the young. How else would we know that the Arctic Monkeys are not the latest wildlife series from David Attenborough? And a muscular young man is so much more agreeable than a shopping trolley.

It is said that if you are going to get a new man, you might as well get a young one, as they never mature anyway. And why stop at one, look at the immortal Edith Piaf, who made it her life’s work to help younger man with their careers, in return for a little, er, escort work. Yves Montand and Charles Aznavour once wore the “blue suit” which was code for “Edith’s latest boy”. Nine at a time was perhaps a little excessive, though.

P.S. I have just popped over to Tippler's place and have got to go and have a lie down now.