There are various models of mask on the market.
The "Mandy"
The "Britney"
The "Trench Kiss"
The "Bends"
The "Stig"
The "Major Tom"
The "Ganesh"
The "Vader"
(also available in white)
The "Oodie"
The "Hannibal"
And my personal favourite:
I'm looking forward to some interesting dreams. Just call me Icewoman.
14 comments:
Pls to avoid articles about your bedroom attire, some of us try to avoid over excitement.
so, a "Breathe-Rite" nose strip isn't a viable alternative, i guess, sugar? xoxooxox
Vicus, is there a market for this sort of thing? I might consider starting up a cottage industry. So to speak.
Savannah, it's not the nose, it's the airway (trachea) that collapses during sleep. A breathe-rite would be like putting a, er, sticking plaster on a collapsing building. I am starting to feel like a crumbling palazzo on the Grand Canal.
Although presumably you're only putting on the device once you have finished your evening's bedroom activities and are ready to settle down to sleep - at which point you'll no longer be seeking to attract amorous attention...
Could you not just employ someone to stand by the bed with a set of old-fashioned fireplace bellows? A quick blast up each nostril at the first sign of trouble and then back to standing to attention by the nightstand?
I never realised you needed your own air supply, milady. Must be quite stuffy in your bedroom. Have you ever considered wearing the hijab to make yourself amenable to the Moorish types?
Kim - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAR!!!!! Evening's bedroom activities nowadays means taking makeup off. Mind you, some people (see above) seem to get turned on by this sort of face furniture.
Owl Wood - The lodger is paid (above the going rate I might add) to stand to attention by my door and save my life in the event of a mishap, but sneaks off as soon as he hears me snoring to go and annoy people on Facebook. Servants are very unreliable these days. I blame the trade unions.
GB - I have made myself amenable to more Moorish types than I would care to remember, in the past. A gas mask would at least keep the Kurds away.
Ha! So this is why you were picking our brains about the Ood in Doctor Who!
Sx
'The Hannibal' would is my kinky bedroom headgear of choice. Same expression too (even when asleep).
Scarlet, I still have an image in my mind about little elephantine characters but maybe it was a residual memory from my childhood. Can't wait to find out what vivid dreams I will have when I actually get to the REM stage. I don't dream - or at least don't remember my dreams - but the lack of deep sleep might be why.
Chris - I imagine your shed is full of fetish equipment. I hate to think what perversions are hidden away on the allotments of England. If you've come here looking for a good time, move along young man. Nothing to see here.
How about a neat little tracheotomy?
Wikpedia say about tracheotomy: "In extreme cases, the procedure may be indicated as a treatment for severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea seen in patients intolerant of Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) therapy." Let's hope it doesn't come to that, Pat.
The answer, clearly, is to stop sleeping alone.
Short of meeting an off-duty fighter pilot, that is not going to be an option. Anyway I like having all the bed.
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