Yes I'm sorry, it's started, and the hypnotic drone of the vuvuzela has already caught me like a dik-dik in a lion's maw. We are a week away from the quarter finals and it's not looking good for Bafana Bafana. War chants in the tunnel, the support of the national vuvuzela orchestra and a juju man in the dressing room have not helped them. They could end up being the first host nation not to make it to the quarter finals. There's only one man who can get them to play like champions, and he's not going to make an appearance.
Matt Damon
I am supporting all the African teams - the Elephants, the Indomitable Lions, the Super Eagles, the Black Stars and Bafana Bafana - for their imaginative names if nothing else. Even the ball has a name: Jabulani. The list of the top ten babies' names in 2011 should be interesting.
Along with the rest of Ireland, I took great delight in seeing France get stuffed by Mexico last night. The French team started the tournament in the naughty corner - as Gary Lineker said, they needed a helping hand to get into the World Cup. Thierry Henry's as it happens. Three of their players have been caught with their pants down, in no uncertain terms. Underage prostitute, no less. Classy.
Maradona: so fat he can't even walk unaided Diego Maradona prances and postures on the touchlines, the only man on the planet who is not improved by an expensive suit, proving that dishonesty, cocaine addiction and a dodgy mullet will get you everywhere. His latest pronouncement about Saint Pelé showed his true colours. "He belongs in a museum".
As for the England team - well honestly. We watch like hawks to see if John Terry misses a handshake. The Belgians are totally confused, some of them have hung their national flag out of their windows, and they're not even in the tournament!
The USA's West Ham defender Jonathan Spector is a model of probity, and more articulate than anyone in the England team. He looks so fresh-faced and decent it's like seeing the ghost of Bobby Moore. He probably drives a Mondeo. He recently participated in a campaign to encourage British schoolkids to read more. He chose to read extracts from Huckleberry Finn to a bunch of local primary school kids, and expressed some surprise that none of them had ever heard of the book. At that moment I realized with some shame that I had never read it - a situation I have since rectified. I hope he chose his extracts carefully - it might be the Great American Novel but it's been banned from primary schools in the UK and US for 213 instances of the N-word.
And while I'm being so politically correct, here is the immensely talented and barefoot auburn Antipodean Tim Minchin talking 'bout prejudice. Eat your heart out Jamie Cullum. I dedicate this to Scarlet Blue.
As for the England team - well honestly. We watch like hawks to see if John Terry misses a handshake. The Belgians are totally confused, some of them have hung their national flag out of their windows, and they're not even in the tournament!
Nice Young Man Jonathan Spector
The USA's West Ham defender Jonathan Spector is a model of probity, and more articulate than anyone in the England team. He looks so fresh-faced and decent it's like seeing the ghost of Bobby Moore. He probably drives a Mondeo. He recently participated in a campaign to encourage British schoolkids to read more. He chose to read extracts from Huckleberry Finn to a bunch of local primary school kids, and expressed some surprise that none of them had ever heard of the book. At that moment I realized with some shame that I had never read it - a situation I have since rectified. I hope he chose his extracts carefully - it might be the Great American Novel but it's been banned from primary schools in the UK and US for 213 instances of the N-word.
And while I'm being so politically correct, here is the immensely talented and barefoot auburn Antipodean Tim Minchin talking 'bout prejudice. Eat your heart out Jamie Cullum. I dedicate this to Scarlet Blue.
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