Daphne Poppins and baggage hit LondonA locomotive chuffs to a halt. Through the swirling steam we see a young(-ish) man in flat cap, braces, kilt and hobnail boots, helping a highborn lady from the train with her bustle, parasol and steamer trunk. They enter the saloon bar of a public house opposite the station. The young man saunters confidently up to the bar, brandishing a shiny 5p piece.
McChe (for it is he):
Evenin' all! Awroit, me awld cock sparra?
Yes, can I help you sir?
McChe:
Bob's yer uncle, Fanny's yer aunt. A pointer bitter me old chiner, an' a Babycham for the lydy.
Barman:
I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?
McChe:
Yore avin a larf incha? A pointer ahzyer farver, an don’t spare the ‘orses! Oim gettin' married in the mornin', ding-dong the bells are gonna choime! Luvly jubbly! Come onDover, move yer bloomin' arse! We're gahn dahna frog an toad* fer a Ruby Murray** in a minute!
Ktoś rozumie po więgersku?***
McChe (undeterred):
An’ a bucket o’ green licker on the soide, guv’nor. 'Ere's a tanner fer yer trouble. Bloomey Mary Poppins,this is a rum old plyce and naw mistoik. Geezer don’t even speak the Queen’s English! Wot a plonker, innit Rodney? Chim-chiminee, chim-chiminee,Chim-chim-McChe....
Daphne:
I think I’d better take over. A pint of John Smiths, my good man, and a large gin and tonic with ice and lemon please.
McChe:
Moy treat, Datchess!
I think you’ll find 5p won’t even buy you a packet of pork scratchings. I should never have given you those Dickens novels to learn London dialect. How much is that please, bartender?
Barman:
Six pounds and forty-seven pence, madame.
McChe:
WHITTHEFECK???? HA’ YE FALLEN ON YER NOGGIN LADDIE? WE’RE NO BUYIN' THE FRIGGIN HOOSE!! JINGS, CRIVENS AN' A' THAT TARTAN SHITE!
Barman (delighted):
Och hey, ye’re no frae
Pub pianist (Bill Bailey) with cockney intro
For after some consideration we can say: Consider yerself - one of us!"
22 comments:
Wonderful to see Oliver Reed in a pub with his willy inside his pants. Now he was a posh bloke who could do a passable cockney accent. Or maybe just good enough to fool a gorilla.
Rub-a duck! I'm in a right 'ol two-'n eight this morning, but this post has cheered me up summ'it rott'n!
Sx
C'est top d'la balle !
J'sais pas pourqué mais j'm'doutais q'j'allais avoir les fils qui s'touch' , les plombs qui saute ! Etre fêlé du bocal ! Avoir été berçé trop près du mur, avoir été démoulé trop tôt ! Ramolo du ciboulot ! J'entrave que dalle à s'charabia !!
Y'a pire q'mes zigues ??
I must say, your accents are impeccable.
When I was visiting the colonies, sometimes the locals would say to me, "Hexcoose me, burt wood yew loike a curp o' tay?" somehow thinking I would feel more at home if they attempted their best English accent. Unfortunately I left the place convinced everyone had a speech impediment.
Lor lumme luv a duck... cor blimey that brought back some of the old memories and no mistake! (7 years working for Newham Health Authority. Shame we didn't offer them speech therapy as well as the how-to-write-your-own-sick-note pamphets and the free condoms. ONLY JOKING!).
Crikey blimey matey-peeps, ees jas like Ole Landan Tahn, innit me ole china? I spen two years in Nam - Tot-en-nam. Etc.
I'm exhausted now. How do they manage to keep that banter going for hours on end?
But you haven't mentioned which children you are both going to scare....into being nice.
Is it a Guiness World Record bid?
Shani Wallis looked very sweet as Nancy but more of a Hollywood version. Georgia Brown was my favourite - the real McCoy.
Oliver Reed proved he could act. He was Carol Reed's nephew and not short of a few bob. I think both he and Shani had a sad end although he survived miraculously for years.
Awight me old Barnet Fair?
Let's orf Dan the rub-a-dub-dub four a Mick Jagger or ten. Saw Ted! Yeah!
Ollie was alright wasn't he? I liked him, anyway, for my part.
As always you excel Daphne. I have no doubt at all that the town was painted red.
How common you all sound! My clear bell-like tones ring out like Julie Andrews through a megaphone. I am one of the few people who can still hail a British Rail porter at Reading General.
Aye! That was a good one!
:D
I can hear you here, Mrs Pouncer, and your dulcet tones are at once both strident and strangely reassuring.
(Wasn't Shani Wallis the ventriloquist with that Lambchop sock puppet on the end of her arm?)
No Gadjie, that was Shari Lewis. She was a great friend of David Nixon - do you remember him? As a little girl, I went to several lavish Christmas parties for studio staff's children, and he was the conjurer one year, and she was there, too, but without the sock. She tried to extemporise, but we saw red and an alternative puppet was found. It was a badger in a crinoline. No-one knew why.
(Did I spell conjurer and extemporise correctly? They both look wrong. Tired.)
My Word that was hilarious.
I am reminded that Canada and Britain are two countries separated by a common language.
Other than the lyrical yet nearly indecipherable tongue of our Newfies, ayes tha bye thet bils tha boat, and the Franglais of Kebec who speak two langwidge H'inglash da best, we Canucks utter a bland, heavily-merkinized dialect which is relatively free of sing-song cadence or discombobulation...
it's rather bland and monotonous but it gets the job done.
I have no idea how my mother, while travelling about London once, understood the directions given to her by a stranger speaking this *foreign* language.
Daffers, I've tagged you.
GB, I was in that very tavern on Friday night. Ollie was strangely attractive as Bill Sikes ... or is it just me?
Scarlet, I bet you'd make a great oompapa wench.
Crabtree, les cockney sparrers (sparrows) sont les titis londoniens, et Artful Dodger est le jumeau londonien de Gavroche.
Kim, might they have been taking the proverbial out of the pom?
Gadjo, wot a coincidence, I was staying in Newham at the weekend. It's bilingual now you know. Polish and Sylheti. I don't do tags or memes, sorry, I like to maintain my air of mystery.
Farty, two years in Tottingham and lived to tell the tale! Chewing on jellied eels gives the jaw the necessary elasticity to mangle vowels so horribly.
Goth ... what? Too cryptic, man.
Pat, I agree about Shani Wallis. I remember Georgia Brown as Nancy but can't remember why, as I'm sure I never saw it in the theatre.
Maroon, Mick Jagger only rhymes with lager in the land of the sweaties.
Mrs P, David Nixon! He was that bald man who did magic tricks. I'm guessing you're the love child of one of the Black and White Minstrels and Millicent Martin. If you can hail a porter at Reading General he must be able to hear you from Windsor.
Donn, I like the way the Quebecois speak French, it makes me laugh even though I don't understand a word they're saying.
GG, they tone it down for nice West Indian ladies.
Ah, Newham. I hope it was as rewarding for you there as it was for me. Ok, keep your air of mystery, good for you - my life's an open book, I can't stop my constant quest for truth.
Gadjo, my random facts are darker than your nights.
Hé ! Hop ! A pearl of kindness on your screen ...Ecrin !!
Therefore a true Cockney was born to reach of voice of the Bow Bells...
There are several similarities ! Close of the of montmartre titi to be precis!
Pour Dickens j'aurais du réfléchir !
Oliver Twist ,mon premier prix d'excellence(en..."internat"?)
aurait pu me mettre sur la voie !
Selon la légende, un vrai Cockney est né là d'où on peut entendre les cloches de St Mary le Bow, église du 12e siècle dans le "East End" dont les cloches ont rappelé à Londres Dick Whittington, précurseur de Boris Johnson, avec son chat botté. L'église a été détruite dans la grande incendie de 1666 et reconstruite par Wren, les cloches ont été fondées par la fameuse fonderie de Whitechapel, fabricant des cloches Big Ben, Liberty Bell et autres, qui existe toujours: je l'ai vue, lundi, du bus!
L'Artful Dodger se traduit dans le texte français par Le Fin Matois, ou simplement "Matois" pour son mentor Fagin. Vos Miserables ont aussi été adaptés en comédie musicale qui court depuis 23 ans dans le "West End".
Merci Daphné ,
This is explained excellemment !
Et comme je suis curieux ! L'East End près de Whitechapel et près "the Ten Bells pub", est bien l'endroit où l'on situe l'affaire de "Jack the Ripper" ??
Superbe lien celui des Misérables !!
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