ISN'T IT ICONIC?

An old leather bag. And a Louis Vuitton case.

Keith Richards has left it a bit late in the day to become a poster boy, but, persuaded by royal snapper Annie Leibovitz, he has finally agreed to do an ad campaign for Louis Vuitton, of all things. He was chosen not, as you might think, for the similarity between his face and old leather, but for his "iconic" status. A 21st century icon is something to be. Apparently expensive travel goods evoke an enviable lifestyle of luxury hotels, limousines, and unalterable chic. Well, if you can't marry a President, I suppose advertising suitcases is the next best thing.

Louis Vuitton is a brand that I never got. Its colour scheme of mud brown and mustard doesn't go with anything. And its bags are made of vinyl. VINYL. I have been known to purchase vinyl that looks like leather, usually on a market for about a fiver. But vinyl that looks like vinyl ... ? At those prices? I can't imagine Keith actually owns anything made by a company whose initials also stand for Luncheon Vouchers. But at least he's proved he's not doing it for the money - he's donating his fee to Al Gore's Climate Project, and did not have the bare-faced cheek to advertise the fact either. I had to dig around on the web to find that out.

Not so self-effacing Jerry Hall, Dennis Hopper and a bunch of other "peepol" (as the French call celebs) have accepted to endorse Mandarin Oriental hotels in return for advertising loudly the fact that their fee has been donated to a charity of their choice. Ahhh bless. Although I cannot knock the good works, it smacks of the Bono School of Philanthropy -- it does almost as much for the charity as it does for their image.

Luggage is the new ... er ... Barclaycard. French smoothie Jean Reno sits on his Samsonite in a becalmed wooden boat on the Seine, like some kind of drug smuggler waiting for a pickup. The words "iconic" and "identity" are batted around in the blurb for these campaigns, often under a pithy heading, such as "Life is a journey", with intensely meaningful subtitles like "Character is all about retaining a strong identity". Deep or what? For heaven's sake -- it's a flippin' SUITCASE!


Jude Phwoarr, sorry Law, advertises something for Dunhill although it's not clear what. I think it's "lifestyle", a nebulous product beloved of those who eat polenta and pancetta, and who have papparazzi rather than petunias in their herbaceous borders. I suspect these ads work their charm better in the Far and Middle East, where Jude Law is probably revered as some kind of god. I remember a time when a Dunhill lighter was a status symbol. Now I don't know anyone who owns a posh cigarette lighter.


Luxury goods companies are trying to out-do each other with their "new face of". Away with those pouting hair-flicking French footballers, young British actors are the flavour of the month. Keepin' it real, y'know? Euan McGregor, once yer actual fairtrade eco-warrior, is now the face of Davidoff's "Adventure". His motorcycle trips round the world bestowed upon him the aura of a rugged adventurer. One hopes that thanks to his new friends at Davidoff he smells a bit nicer than he probably did for most of that journey with Charlie Boorman. I don't know if he donated his fee to anyone, perhaps Bikers for a Free Tibet?

I wonder why they didn't ask Michael Palin? It must have been the bike that made the difference. A man with a big throbbing machine between his legs will always win out. Poor old Henry Cooper is left looking oddly disappointed in this 1972 Brut ad: