SAUCISSONAL GREETINGS

I got a Christmas gift from my employers.

It was a sausage.

A Spanish chorizo, to be precise. And two bottles of Spanish wine. My colleague and I all got the same, and great hilarity abounded throughout my office as some of us hadn’t had a sausage in quite some time.

Sausages are produced in virtually every European country, indeed worldwide, in various forms, and each country is justifiably proud of their technique and dimensions. The excited chattering of my colleagues on receiving this generous gift transcended the language barrier, and length, thickness, meatiness, curve, shape, aroma and colour of each country’s respective pride and joy were discussed. Sausages were compared from different EU countries – or should I say Member States. I myself am partial to a bit of black pudding, although if I can’t get my hands on that I’ll happily chomp on a nice juicy German Bockwurst between a couple of toasted buns.

My Belgian colleague favours the Ardennes sausage, which is small but very hard. Her French boss was bragging about all the varieties of French sausage – Toulouse, garlic, andouillette, saucisson. It is well known that the French use donkey meat in their saucissons which hang up in the supermarkets. Hence the expression “hung like a donkey”. In France you also find the exotic Merguez mutton sausage from North Africa - which is is hot and spicy and bright red. My Polish colleague spoke proudly about his country’s national treasure, the kabanos, which is long, thin and bendy, best smoked and enjoyed after a few glasses of vodka.

The Italian Corridor gesticulated noisily about their salami, with lots of expansive hand gestures to indicate length and girth. I think one or two of them were exaggerating just to impress the ladies. I smiled to myself, thinking of Bert. He, being German, is the sausage king, the Furst of Wurst, if you will, with more varieties than you can dip in a bucket of mustard. Bockwurst, Bratwurst, Münchener Weisswurst, Frankfurter, Leberwurst, Berliner Currywurst, Wiener … there is a Place Wiener in Brussels, but since the extension of the 94 tram route we no longer have the pleasure of seeing trams with the name “Wiener” on the front, much to the chagrin of our American friends who used to find it highly amusing for some reason.

I expounded to my Eurocomrades upon the UK's second-favourite national dish: although considered not the full shilling by our continental neighbours (especially the French, who re-label them as “preparations de porc”), a sizzling hot British banger is the best way to start the day. I especially enjoy one with some stuffing at Christmas, or lying in a fluffy bed of mashed potato smothered in thick gravy. I remember many a happy evening ended with a saveloy after a night down the pub, back in my younger days. I did not dwell on the chipolata, which is not our greatest export, but when I described the Cumberland sausage, with its great loops, they all expressed admiration, one of the Italians applauding and crying "Bravissimo!"

Should you not have a supplier of sausage handy and wish to try making your own, I found this useful recipe on Allrecipes website, courtesy of Cheryl Wisniewski, for which you will require a firm hand and a supple wrist.

Ingredients:

• 3 pounds pork shoulder, trimmed and cubed
• 1 clove garlic
• 1 tablespoon salt
• ground black pepper to taste
• sausage casings

1. In a medium bowl, mix together the pork, garlic, salt and pepper. Place on a clean smooth surface and knead, knead, knead for at least 10 or 15 minutes. The longer you knead it, the more tender your sausage will be.
2. Soak the sausage casings in water for 1 or 2 minutes. Rinse the casings by sliding over the faucet. Slide the casing all the way up onto the spout of a sausage stuffing funnel. Press meat through the funnel into the casing carefully so that no air bubbles get inside. Sausages should be plump. Twist periodically to form links.
3. Place sausages in a large pot with enough water to cover them. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low, cover the pot, and simmer for 1 hour and 15 minutes. They can be frozen after cooling. Use as you would store bought Polish Sausage.

What more can I say? I think Cheryl's said it all. I wish you much satisfaction, whether you enjoy your sausage alone or with a friend. I am looking forward to tasting my Spanish sausage, which I will savour, slowly, while admiring this photograph of a tasty Spanish morsel.