THE DRUGS DON'T WORK

Nice to see the old people enjoying themselves

As every year, I've been watching highlights from Glastonbury. How nice that they had good weather for once. And with all those geriatric rockers on the stage, the spirit of Woodstock almost made a comeback. Crosby Stills and Nash were one of my favourite bands, and they did not disappoint. I noted with a quietly xenophobic smirk that the British one has aged better than the Americans. Although to be fair, David Crosby always looked like a fat truck driver, now he just looks like a white-haired fat truck driver. Stephen Stills "on the electric guitar" as Graham Nash quaintly introduced him - as opposed to what, the gas guitar? - can still play a mean solo, but his singing was pretty incoherent and tuneless and he looked like a wreck. His drug use was legendary, as was that of Neil Young, who appeared separately. He has not aged well either, which is a shame, as he was very cute in the days of "Heart of Gold".

"Rocking in the free world" may well be one of the great festival anthems of all time, but forty-three reprises of the chorus was threatening to wear out even the infinite patience of the Glasto crowd. And then came the proof that old people with a previous history of recreational drugtaking should be put to bed at a reasonable hour. Breaking his guitar strings and indulging himself in 10 minutes of Stockhausenesque free noise was really not becoming in an old git of his age. His nurse was too busy accompanying him on guitar and vibes to remember his medication.

Compare, if you will, with the eternally dignified Tom Jones, who does not attempt to relive his youth but somehow manages to remain attractive, in an avuncular way. Employing your son as your manager is an astute move. Jones Junior is not going to allow his old man to make a fool of himself. He looked quite delighted that the kids were enjoying his old tunes. He was interviewed on The One Show the next day, and questioned about drug use. It rang a bell with me when he said that he had never taken drugs because he didn't know what was in them. And this is surely the best argument against legalising drugs. If they were legal and properly labelled and attractively packaged and on the shelves in Tesco, we'd all have a go. Probably.

I was very surprised to learn in a documentary about Steve McQueen that he had gone a bit trippy in his later life. Nobody straighter, you would have thought. That was the secret of his cool - he didn't compromise, when everyone else was sporting flowing locks and psychedelic caftans and dropping LSD, he remained short-haired, focussed, soberly dressed. He did not mix with the hippies, he was more interested in cars and motorbikes. But no! When he succumbed to the hubris of fame, he sank into a welter of booze and spliffs and lost his dignity not to mention two wives.

And the moral of this story is, be you young or old, practice restraint in all things. Yes, Mrs Pouncer, that means you.








I'm always interested when two famous people expire within a couple of days of each other, as I imagine them escorting each other up to the pearly gates. Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson made a nice pair, him liking a mature woman as he did. But Mollie Sugden and Karl Malden were lessons in growing old gracefully. I'm just surprised no-one ever cast them together as the romantic leads.

The Boss, wearing his own wellies

Finally, one old rocker from the other side of the pond who's ageing quite nicely thank you did a great set at his first ever Glasto. Sadly, there are no clips yet up on YouTube, but in honour of the national day of our American friends, and now you're back in the fold, I'll allow you five minutes of shameless nationalism. Welcome back guys. We missed you.