I've been spoilt rotten this week. By the Germans. Following last weekend's designer Easter egg, Bert gave me an elegant flat box of Marcolini mini eggs, and then I was taken out for dinner by a visiting brass section from the Rheinland affiliated to the KNOB*, who with typical Teutonic gallantry presented me formally with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in thanks for my playing third triangle. They even made a little speech, in which they said I'd been a Fundamental Pillar. I've never been called that before. I almost did a Gwynnie Paltrow, blushed furiously and just about managed to stutter "Aber ich habe gar nix getan ... " "Euh, fast nix ...", I added, as Bert kicked me under the table. On the way home in his little tank, he gave me a lecture about how to big up meself. "Daphne, schatzi, you must conwince zat you are ze greatest dritte Dreieck in ze ganze Welt," was his advice. He's been watching The Apprentice too much, in my opinion.
Many of the musicians in the oompah band were from deepest Neanderthal, and didn't sprechen a word of anything except deutsch, and so I have spoken more German - badly - in the past two days than in the last five years. My German is really rather approximate, although as long as you can count up to four and not mention the war you're pretty safe in a German oompah band.
Mayor of Brussels, Freddy "Toots" Thielemans
As part of the oompahs tour of Brussels, they were officially received in the historic Town Hall by the florid-faced Mayor of Brussels Freddy Thielemans, who showed off his grasp of many languages and inexplicably went off on a long tangent in English about how great the Brussels police were. (I think he just meant to start off praising the police band, and got carried away). It went over the heads of the majority of the participants who didn't understand a word, but clapped politely anyway. That's what Germans do. I was surprised Freddy didn't ask if he could play harmonica on the next gig.
He's not wrong about the police. I saw Brussels' Finest in action a couple of weeks ago when a group of Tamil demonstrators got a bit overheated. The cops gave a textbook demonstration of how to corral a group of hotheads, de-escalate the situation, and shuffle them slowly out of the way of the general public and out of sight of the TV cameras before giving them a Taser sandwich. Mind you, the secret of their success was in numbers, there was a ratio of about 10 police to 9 demonstrators . I'm not sure how the Belgian forces would have managed at the G20.
The problem facing the London riot police is, nobody will give them a decent fight any more. I remember the old days in Paris, when the burly steelworkers would lob crash barriers at the CRS. Now THAT's what I call a protest. London's motley crew of middle-class pigeon-chested taxdodgers in their Che Guevara T-shirts armed with mobile phone cameras just annoy them, with the disastrous results we have seen.
Where were the redundant workers, the trade unions, the ruined pension fund beneficiaries, the negative equity homeowners, the people who have really suffered from the economic crisis? I'll tell you where. At home. They had already demonstrated on the previous Sunday, peacefully and in an organised manner. The real veterans of street battles, such as Dany le Rouge and Lech Walesa, wisely kept a dignified distance from these rather uncoordinated flashmobs.
Serious contestation requires strategy and training. As any fule no, if you want to keep the police under control, you need to tire them out first. Although I have no wish to condone any unnecessary police brutality (as opposed to necessary police brutality), there is evidence on YouTube of mob provocation that would try the patience of a saint, targeted at Specials who are not trained to withstand a barrage of mobile phone cameras trained on them while the crowd chant their number and taunt them. When the well-tooled riot police went in, they all ran away. Call yourselves urban warriors? Pffffft.
The French veterans of May '68 could teach these kids a thing or two. For a start, as any experienced agitator will tell you, you need a barrel-chested rabble rouser to focus the crowd, preferably with a big moustache and a massive strike fund (or a famous actress) behind him. Or her. The moustache is paternal and reassuring, and stops the crowd getting nervous and twitchy.
Tariq Ali and Vanessa Redgrave demonstrating against the Vietnam war, London 1969
Lech Walesa leading the Polish shipyard workers to a historic victory, 1981
Pigeon-chested Russell Brand failing to look like Che Guevara while lurking timidly on the
fringes of the London G20 demonstration, April 2009
The French have always kept their hand in at organised resistance, going back to the German occupation, the Commune, and the Revolution, not to mention May '68. The British Isles, inviolate for over a thousand years, have grown soft and complacent. God knows what would have happened if the Germans had invaded in 1940. Had we woken up one morning, like the French, and found little tanks under our windows, I suspect our fathers might not have such a heroic reputation but our children would not be the lily-livered unwashed Trustafarians we saw on April Fool's Day.
So ultimately, it's all the fault of the Germans, who didn't try hard enough during the war.
* Kurt Nachtnebel Oompah Band
Many of the musicians in the oompah band were from deepest Neanderthal, and didn't sprechen a word of anything except deutsch, and so I have spoken more German - badly - in the past two days than in the last five years. My German is really rather approximate, although as long as you can count up to four and not mention the war you're pretty safe in a German oompah band.
Mayor of Brussels, Freddy "Toots" ThielemansAs part of the oompahs tour of Brussels, they were officially received in the historic Town Hall by the florid-faced Mayor of Brussels Freddy Thielemans, who showed off his grasp of many languages and inexplicably went off on a long tangent in English about how great the Brussels police were. (I think he just meant to start off praising the police band, and got carried away). It went over the heads of the majority of the participants who didn't understand a word, but clapped politely anyway. That's what Germans do. I was surprised Freddy didn't ask if he could play harmonica on the next gig.
He's not wrong about the police. I saw Brussels' Finest in action a couple of weeks ago when a group of Tamil demonstrators got a bit overheated. The cops gave a textbook demonstration of how to corral a group of hotheads, de-escalate the situation, and shuffle them slowly out of the way of the general public and out of sight of the TV cameras before giving them a Taser sandwich. Mind you, the secret of their success was in numbers, there was a ratio of about 10 police to 9 demonstrators . I'm not sure how the Belgian forces would have managed at the G20.
The problem facing the London riot police is, nobody will give them a decent fight any more. I remember the old days in Paris, when the burly steelworkers would lob crash barriers at the CRS. Now THAT's what I call a protest. London's motley crew of middle-class pigeon-chested taxdodgers in their Che Guevara T-shirts armed with mobile phone cameras just annoy them, with the disastrous results we have seen.
Where were the redundant workers, the trade unions, the ruined pension fund beneficiaries, the negative equity homeowners, the people who have really suffered from the economic crisis? I'll tell you where. At home. They had already demonstrated on the previous Sunday, peacefully and in an organised manner. The real veterans of street battles, such as Dany le Rouge and Lech Walesa, wisely kept a dignified distance from these rather uncoordinated flashmobs.
Serious contestation requires strategy and training. As any fule no, if you want to keep the police under control, you need to tire them out first. Although I have no wish to condone any unnecessary police brutality (as opposed to necessary police brutality), there is evidence on YouTube of mob provocation that would try the patience of a saint, targeted at Specials who are not trained to withstand a barrage of mobile phone cameras trained on them while the crowd chant their number and taunt them. When the well-tooled riot police went in, they all ran away. Call yourselves urban warriors? Pffffft.
The French veterans of May '68 could teach these kids a thing or two. For a start, as any experienced agitator will tell you, you need a barrel-chested rabble rouser to focus the crowd, preferably with a big moustache and a massive strike fund (or a famous actress) behind him. Or her. The moustache is paternal and reassuring, and stops the crowd getting nervous and twitchy.
Tariq Ali and Vanessa Redgrave demonstrating against the Vietnam war, London 1969
Lech Walesa leading the Polish shipyard workers to a historic victory, 1981
Pigeon-chested Russell Brand failing to look like Che Guevara while lurking timidly on the
fringes of the London G20 demonstration, April 2009
The French have always kept their hand in at organised resistance, going back to the German occupation, the Commune, and the Revolution, not to mention May '68. The British Isles, inviolate for over a thousand years, have grown soft and complacent. God knows what would have happened if the Germans had invaded in 1940. Had we woken up one morning, like the French, and found little tanks under our windows, I suspect our fathers might not have such a heroic reputation but our children would not be the lily-livered unwashed Trustafarians we saw on April Fool's Day.
So ultimately, it's all the fault of the Germans, who didn't try hard enough during the war.
* Kurt Nachtnebel Oompah Band
19 comments:
If you want to give the police a fight, send in the chimpanzees. They go for the testicles in unarmed combat. With any luck, they'd also give that Trotskyite poseur Tariq Ali the thrashing he's been asking for since 1968.
I have to wonder about the woman who was walloped by the police at the G20 - but who has now engaged the services of Max Clifford to sell her story. I assume that given the nature of the protest, she will donate all monies to charity.
Strsthclyde's finest used to use horses on student demos in the 80s. That was interesting, in a 'I'd rather not be squished by a big horse, give me police brutality' type of way.
Belgium always gets away scot-free when there's ever any mention of The War. What on earth do Belgian fathers tell their kids? "I dunno, Bavo, first the Germans were coming one way then the Allies coming the other, we couldn't do nuffink, shame we didn't have Tariq Ali and Vanessa Redgrave on our side, eh? Have some more chips."
daphedarling! i couldn't stop laughing after freedy "toots" thielemans! you witty, witty girl!
(do you remember hearing about the G8 that was held here? we had 10 protesters and 100,000 cops, military, swat, seals, sharpshooters, dull shooters and regular ole flatfoots huddled on every street! i rest my case - or maybe, nobody wanted to go through atlanta to get here!)
GB, you really don't like old Tariq, do you? I think he's rather dashing, then and now. And a fine moustache, you must admit. Took some balls to start protesting in Pakistan when his uncle was head of Military Secret Intelligence.
Madame DeFarge, a true urban warrior would have given her story to The Big Issue for nothing. More dilettante than militant if you ask me.
Gadjo, Plucky Little Belgium, the world's favourite battlefield. I don't think it's the headquartes of NATO for nothing. And the Americans thank them by calling chips "French fries" - they might have been better off sticking with the Germans.
Savannah, you knows your jazz honey! As a prize for knowing that the Mayor of Brussels does NOT play the harmonica, here's a delightful example of the better side of Belgian-American cooperation.
did your mother know you'd grow up to be a chocolate-filled fundamental pillar?
If you want really ugly protestation you need to tell a couple of thousand Rangers fans that their telly's broken.
Once more such a delight to read...
Marcolini mini eggs and Krug 1963.. companions for the Gods!
Maybe a cuter side to Belgo-American mutual appreciation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDMzHlkB-Yg
Note that the old "eyes-right" is usually reserved for heads of state, visiting generals and sometimes decrepit monarchy.
Kev, do I detect a hint of sectarian bias in your remarks? Good, 'cos we're all Celtic supporters here - IF you know what I mean (taps nose in obviously Catholic fashion).
Jum, you've certainly got over the (ahem) 'poverty' of your early life. Krug indeed! We had to make do with Asti Spumante on south London council estates.
Che, that was a long wait for that wee boy, I bet he'll never forget it though. My much loved Aunty Evadne was saluted by an entire platoon of Guards on horseback in the Fulham Road. I'm sure she was chuffed to bits, although as she was nailed into her coffin at the time, we'll never know.
LSE has a lot to answer for. I wonder what Tariq is up to these days and wasn't there a Danny something? I have to admit I skulked in my hotel bed-room in '68. What a wimp - but I was incognito at the time.
I notice, Che, that you have not yet mastered the art of the live link. *Smirk* Call yourself a tech guru? Pffft.
Pat - Danny SOMETHING???? Who do you think is the cheeky young man taunting the riot policeman in the picture? (Which made the front cover of Paris Match no less). None other than Dany Cohn-Bendit, dit "Le Rouge", now the scourge of the European Parliament. And still a bit of a hunk, between you and me. He, like Dr Maroon, wasn't at the LSE. But Mick Jagger was, whose song "Street Fighting Man" was allegedly inspired by Tariq. TA is still writing and editing, and looking more like Omar Sharif as the years go by.
Das ist wahr !!!
Maintenant qu'il y a le tunnel sous la manche !! Plus rien ne retiendra une invasion vers l'îlot ,tant souhaitée par Napoléon ,qui lui n'avait pas de moustache !
J'me la laisse pousser " la moustache ",dans l'espoir du libre échange !! Ensuite je commanderai ( en Belgique ) le fameux béret révolutionnaire (volé par un tiers)...!
J'fabriquerai un lance patates vu que les pavés sont durs aux miséreux...J'suis prêt !!! Heu ! Même si il faut mettre un kilt !!
Waffen Kameraden, Brot erhöht !!!
Nothing overtly sectarian, Daphne: some of us ccommuted across Manchester the day it played host to the masses. They seemed intent on confirming every stereotype in the book.
Crabbers, l'invasion des Iles Britanniques, c'est déjà fait. Garde à vous, soldat, sois pret à répondre à l'appel du 7 juin (Elections européennes).
Kev, was this Rangers v United? The cream of both countries. I like the way the Scottish fans only fight between themselves and abroad present a united well-behaved front. For more on this, see J.Bastard's Football as an obstacle to Scottish unity (ad nauseam).
Sorry Daphne, should have provided this link.
Oh, Daphne, really! The Met had very good reason to believe that the ingrate who expired was in fact a Brazilian electrician. Simple mistake to make.
I'm afraid that the only circumstances upon which public protesting should be introduced, is if your organisation wants to be loathed and derided by your average everyday Millionaire.
How utterly common and pedestrian. What these protestors fail to recognise is that THEY are the problem! Honestly..if only they'd accept their lot in life and just get on with it we could save thousands of dollars worth of overtime pay that we fork over to the police...
why should taxpaying incorporated citizens be forced to foot the bill for these tossers?
The main problem is that these plebian exercises in futility attract those condemned to a life of disenchantment because they are poor..
and whose bloody fault is that?These disenchanted grovellers stir up the great unwashed and fill their heads with pie-in-the-sky utopian ideology..puh-leeze!
Once the true sociopaths, whackjobs, and disenchanted malcontents make it to the front of the line to start looting, it's all over but the crying...
and like you said, most of them cannot even be bothered to grow a half-decent moustache.
I cannot for the life of me and my shareholders understand why these people cannot learn to suppress their fanciful notions and just let it fester in quiet desperation..like the good lord intended?
Honestly.
Donn, I think you'll find that very few of those protesters were poor. And, as was pointed out by someone on telly this weekend, interesting that the people smashing in the windows of the Royal Bank of Scotland while the massed cameras of the press corps snapped away were left alone by the police.
I quite agree that the poor should be content with their lot. I mean, if we were all wealthy, there'd be nothing to aspire to, would there? And if there were no poor, there'd be nothing to protest about.
I just think protesters should give the police something to get their teeth into. It's an insult to the force to have to face public condemnation for whacking underfed dopeheads who don't fight back. If they were defending themselves against a barrage of crash barriers they could clobber away with impunity. And immunity.
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